At last I understand
How I’m killing myself,
From the inside out,
How I internalize all the stress,
All of life’s disappointments and defeats,
Rerouting them from the psyche
To various essential organs,
Making psychological despair a physical reality,
Something that shows up on a medical exam,
Something I can point to and say:
“Yes, there it is – right there.”
Ennui made flesh.
At last I understand
How I’m killing myself.
Some small comfort,
Knowing how the dying is done.
~ Russ Allison Loar
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