Our Waitress Exploded



Late one evening of joviality
With our favorite coffee shop waitress,
She remarked: “You’re here more than I am.”

How could she know?

Only if she were actually in two different places
At the same time,
Home watching television
While simultaneously working the night shift.

“How could you know?” I queried.

A sudden realization washed over her
Like a subatomic particle
Racing around the Large Hadron Collider.
The two waitresses became aware of each other’s existence
And sought to unite the matter and antimatter of their beings.

A mistake.

The waitresses’ subatomic particles and antiparticles
Touched and exploded.
They were annihilated,
Thrust into a Parallel Universe
Where they emerged from a Black Hole,
Transformed into Hawking Radiation.

One minute she was here,
Standing behind the cash register
In front of the display case of assorted pies and cookies,
The next zeptosecond—Gone!
While ravenous coffee shop patrons searched for her in vain.

That was the last anyone ever saw of her,
Except for the developmentally challenged busboy
Who swept her leftover protons into a corner.


~ Russ Allison Loar
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