Allergic

If I could choose how death will come
I’d like it to come as a sneeze,
One really big, sudden sneeze.

It would begin with an itching sensation,
Something advancing,
Growing,
Multiplying,
A tsunami,
Then,
One massive, uncontrollable sneeze
Seizing my entire body and soul.

The lights go out.

“What happened?”
Some would ask my wife,
My witness.

“He had an allergic reaction,”
She would explain,
“To life.”


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Wandering Lady Who Would Be A Saint

I see her around town,

The wandering lady.

She’s searching.

Yesterday she was in our neighborhood,

Walking tentatively up our driveways,

Toward our front doors.

Not here, the voice said.

She obediently turned away,

Still searching.

Over and over again,

The message:

Not here.

She was close once,

Finally in the right place,

She thought.

The police came and told her to leave.

She was back the next night.

So were the police.

“I’m looking for the Lord,” she told them.

“He came out of that purple cloud.

“He called me.”

“I’ve got to find him,

“Tell him I’m ready now.

“I’ve given everything away.

“I’ve given everything up.

“I’m nobody now,

“I’m ready now."

“O Lord, can’t you hear me?”

“Not here,” the voice said.

“Not now.”

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Illumination

Early this morning,
Just a glimpse of golden light
On the peak of a nearby mountain,
Then it was gone,
Still beautiful,
But no longer illuminated.


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Aged Ones

We are the aged ones,
The last ones living off inheritances,
Consuming,
Consuming,
Nothing much left for the next generation,
Crumbling infrastructures,
Decaying,
Decaying.

We mutely observe the passing of an age,
Greedily outliving all expectations.


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

A Little Space

A little space
Is all I need
To sit and rest
And plant a seed,
To someday root
To someday grow
So when I’m old
I’ll someday know.


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Broken

The impossible holds me in tight embrace,

No longer a harmless dream.

What was tranquil,

Predictable,

Is all jagged edges,

Without form,

Without logic.

Now,

All my answers have turned into questions,

And all my questions are in a language

I no longer understand.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Here With Me

I remember my grandfather’s decline,

His slow but steady decline,

This honorable, moral man,

A role model,

Still.

During my younger years he often called me,

As if trying to rebalance our relationship,

Having favored my older sister,

My more compliant,

Less troubled sister.

When my grandmother died,

On our way to the cemetery

He told me they both agreed she should go first,

A pact without the power of choice,

Silently resolved to meet again somehow.

Episodes of confusion crept into his daily life.

His daughter hired a caregiver

To do the things that became too hard,

This once rigorous man losing his rigor,

His self-reliance.

An assortment of medications

Causing angry outbursts of unmoored emotions,

Personality changes.

Demons gaining ground

On the weary angels of his being.

And here I sit with my morning coffee

Wearing my grandfather’s robe,

Wondering how many days I have left.

I hear the tik-toking of his Regulator clock

Counting down.

Grandfather is here with me this morning,

Telling me about his boyhood on the farm,

The lamb he brought into his bedroom

To shield it from the storm.

Soon, he finally answers. Soon.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

If Only I Could

If only I could give you the joy in my heart,
If all I had to do was place my hand on your shoulder,
Look into your eyes and smile.

If I could give you the joy in my heart
By doing these things,
Then I would come to you now,
Interrupt everything,
Announce to the world:
You, are loved!
Saying it over and over again
Until you finally believed it,
Until you finally believe it,
Until you are filled with love,
Cleansed,
Healed,
Ready to begin again.


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

If I Were A Little Badger

If I were a little badger
I tell you what I’d do
I’d help all the other badgers
Escape from the L.A. Zoo.

We’d go downtown for coffee
And chat the night away
Around the sidewalk tables
At the badger espresso cafe.

We’d have existential rages
And geopolitical despair
Then we’d sneak back to our cages
And pull out all our hair.


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Idolatry

They crowd around the dirty window
Where the faintest image of Jesus has appeared,
Standing for hours,
Praying,
Hoping to be blessed,
To be sanctified.

All around the world
The faithful are making pilgrimages,
Pressing their lips to sacred artifacts,
Expecting miraculous transformation,
As if God were in one place
And not another.


~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved